Part 3: Getting Unstuck
Alright, we’ve made it through a closer look at what the Bible says about divorce, but what about love and forgiveness and all that other stuff the Bible talks about?
How do we move out of our hurt and hurtful patterns?
In this section, I’ll lay out some super cool things I’ve discovered about the path of healing and a more sophisticated way of making sense of all our emotions. Which is fortunate because, to be honest, I was struggling to make sense of what healing and forgiveness and love look like.
I’ll be the first to admit that the churchy, Sunday School lessons about forgiveness, submission, dying to self, dying to others, and unconditional love have been, at times, confusing and triggering. Just me?
Am I supposed to feel my feelings or just think about whatever is good, true, pure, and lovely?
Didn’t Jesus come to save me? Why and how am I supposed to die to myself then? Or die for another? Does that mean they are more worthy of life than I am?
Are we supposed to “flee from the unrighteous” or go “eat with sinners”?
Are we supposed to “turn the other cheek” and “carry our cross” to our death and simply forgive while we’re being murdered? Or throw over the moneychanger’s tables?
How am I supposed to forgive when my brain is made to remember?
And what really does it even mean to forgive? Or to love for that matter?
Did you get hung up on that David Instone-Brewer line in the last section?
“Jewish couples listed these biblical grounds for divorce in their marriage vows. We reiterate them as love, honor, and keep and be faithful to each other. When these vows were broken, it threatened to break up the marriage. As in any broken contract, the wronged party had the right to say, “I forgive you; let’s carry on,” or, “I can’t go on because this marriage is broken.”
I felt like what I was seeing from the Bible (as Jesus upped and upped the ante—if you’ve looked at a woman lustfully, you have committed adultery) was that it is probably safe to assume that we have all broken our vows.
And if that means we have the right to forgive, or not… Whoa… How are we supposed to know which one to do? Or how to do it?
Surprisingly, for me, modern science, neurology, physics, psychology, eastern religions, art, anthropology, personal experiences, mystics within the Christian tradition, and even “new agey” stuff have helped me make sense of what the Bible might be saying.
I’m with St. Augustine’s belief that “all truth is God’s truth” despite whatever labels we might put on it.
As I explored the great wide world of knowledge and wisdom, I couldn’t help but notice some profound overlaps. I’m sure we can’t unpack them all here (nor do I think I understand the full extent of what it all means), but I will try to get to the core of the parts that may be most relevant as you consider if you will stay in or leave your marriage.
Buckle up, because here’s where it starts to get really interesting! To me anyway! :)
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