Step 4: Honoring Your Emotions
Okay, so here comes the biggest reason we don’t have to be afraid of our feelings:
They are helpful messengers bringing us valuable information.
Emotions can be tricky, though, because they’re not always accurate. :/
“Emotions are data telling us what is important in our lives, not directives telling us what to do. Just because you feel guilty, for example, doesn’t mean you are guilty. An emotion is a signpost to explore how you feel and why—not a stop sign to shut you down or keep you trapped. Our emotions contain flashing lights to the things we care about.” — Dr. Susan David
Not many people recommend letting your emotions sit in the driver’s seat of your life, but they are really helpful members of your guidance system.
All your emotions are valid because they show you something important, but they need to be examined because sometimes the real message is buried a few layers deeper.
Are you feeling guilty, for example, because you’ve done something that doesn’t align with your values? Or are you feeling guilty because you’ve done something others have taught you is wrong?
Get curious about why you may be feeling a particular emotion. What is it telling you about what you value? Where did you learn that value from? Who benefits from you feeling that way? Be compassionate toward yourself for feeling the way you do. (Like, oh, it makes total sense that I feel bad about this because I was told my whole childhood __________ is bad.)
Our emotions are just information.
Get curious about what they’re trying to tell you. And remember to dig deeper. The “negative” emotions can be harder to want to dive into, but here are a few possibilities of what they may be trying to show you:
Bitterness may show you where you still need to heal, where you are still holding judgments on yourself and others.
Resentment may show you where you’re living in the past, have expectations, and are not allowing the present to be as it is.
Discomfort may show you that you need to pay attention to what is happening right now. Perhaps bigger triggers are coming up that you are trying to suppress. Maybe this is an opportunity to do something different than you’ve been doing, and/or that you are bravely stepping out of your comfort zone.
Anger may show you what you’re passionate about, where your boundaries are, and what you believe needs to change in the world.
Disappointment may show you your expectations were not met, that you tried for something, that you still care.
Guilt may show you that you’re still living life in other people’s expectations of what you should do, that you violated your own value system, or that you are living in the past.
Shame may show you that you’re internalizing other people’s beliefs about who you should be or who you are and that you need to reconnect with yourself.
Anxiety may show you that you need to wake up and be present to what is happening right now rather than living in fear of what may happen in the future.
Sadness may show you what you value and the depth of your feeling and care for this world and others.
Disgust may show you that you sense something is toxic.
Depression may show you that you are repressing anger or another strong feeling (repressing feelings takes an enormous amount of energy) and/or feeling you are living someone else’s life.
Grief may show you that you lost something valuable to you.
Fear may show you something that may harm you.
Pain may show you something is hurting you or where you are clinging to something.
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