What About Paul?
We’ve looked at what Jesus says about divorce, but Paul also says some direct things about it, too… What about that?
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
1 Corinthians 7:10-16 NASB
Theologian Marg Mowczko makes the case that (again), Paul is addressing a specific context in his letter to specific people.
“Paul doesn’t consider marital abuse in 1 Corinthians 7. [Because] It wasn’t the situation at hand.”
She says Paul was writing to a group of early Christians who were leaving their marriages in droves because they thought they were:
“living in the resurrection era where sex is supposedly irrelevant, or they may have chosen celibacy for reasons of piety.”
Paul essentially said these weren’t good reasons to leave their spouses. Like, “It’s not ‘more holy’ to become a celibate missionary.”
Ok, well… What about that explicit verse 10?
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does separate, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife (1 Cor. 7:10-11).
Marg (and many others) would call that general rule the ideal...and that there are concessions.
Paul explicitly states that the Lord commands that a wife should not separate, but Paul then makes an allowance for the very thing the Lord forbids. It seems Paul understood the difference between the ideal and the concessions that are sometimes made in a less than ideal situation.
When a couple married in ancient times, as now, there were expectations and promises, either implicit or articulated. When a spouse repeatedly breaks these promises, the terms of the marriage contract or covenant are broken; the marriage is broken.[5]
Marg says, “God, Jesus, and Paul all have things to say about divorce. But none of them address the idea of divorce in the case of abuse…” But, she points out, Paul does say:
But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother or sister who is sexually immoral or greedy, or is an idolater, reviler [loidoros: “verbally abusive”], drunkard, or robber. Do not even eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging those outside? Is it not those who are inside that you are to judge? God will judge those outside. Drive out the wicked person from among you. (1 Corinthians 5:11-13 NRSV. See also 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.)
Marg asserts:
“Paul didn’t necessarily have marriage in mind when he wrote these words, but the principle of “drive out the wicked one” can be applied to marriage. A Christian can divorce a spouse who claims to be a Christian but is sexually immoral, a drunk, or verbally abusive, etc. How many Christians, especially women, have had to put up with the abuse of revilers and drunks who claim to be Christian?
Some Christians think all marriages are sacred. Some marriages, however, are diabolical. Furthermore, people are more sacred than marriages, especially abusive marriages. People need to be cared for, protected, and loved, and not unwillingly sacrificed for an ideal. All biblical regulations and instructions, including those about divorce, must be applied with both wisdom and kindness. But please note that I am not promoting divorce. What I do say is this: if a marriage or a home is unsafe, we must not just allow people to leave, we need to help people to leave.”
David Instone-Brewer, senior research fellow in rabbinics and the New Testament at Tyndale House, Cambridge, sums up his scholarly position on divorce for Christianity Today:
“Putting all this together gives us a clear and consistent set of rules for divorce and remarriage. Divorce is only allowed for a limited number of grounds that are found in the Old Testament and affirmed in the New Testament:
Adultery (in Deuteronomy 24:1, affirmed by Jesus in Matthew 19)
Emotional & physical neglect (in Exodus 21:10-11, affirmed by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7)
Abandonment & abuse (included in neglect, as affirmed in 1 Corinthians 7)
Jewish couples listed these biblical grounds for divorce in their marriage vows. We reiterate them as love, honor, and keep and be faithful to each other. When these vows were broken, it threatened to break up the marriage. As in any broken contract, the wronged party had the right to say, “I forgive you; let’s carry on,” or, “I can’t go on because this marriage is broken.”
Whew!
This is some heavy stuff, right?
And we didn’t even address all the heavy parts in that 1 Corinthians 7 passage, I know.
I think more will become more clear as we keep going, but this is another good moment to pause, and check in with yourself.
See what this chapter is bringing up in you, then keep reading when you feel ready.
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