Muddying the Waters: God Hates Divorce?
“'For I hate divorce!' says the Lord, the God of Israel." Malachi 2:16
Ok, let’s start here. Seems pretty straightforward, right?
Maybe not.
It’s so easy to use a quick soundbite like this one to end a conversation. God hates divorce. Plain and simple. Case closed.
Just like reporters today use soundbites out of context, we do the same thing with the Bible all the time.
But what happens when we dig into the story a little deeper? What was happening there?
First, let's play the rest of the clip—and in several translations:
“For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
International Standard Version
"Indeed, the LORD God of Israel says that he hates divorce, along with the one who conceals his violence by outward appearances," says the LORD of the Heavenly Armies. "So guard yourselves carefully, and don't be unfaithful."
"The man who hates and divorces his wife," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "does violence to the one he should protect," says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.
Holman Christian Standard Bible
“If he hates and divorces his wife," says the LORD God of Israel, "he covers his garment with injustice," says the LORD of Hosts. Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously.
Ok, what stands out to you?
Several things stand out to me. I mostly want to let you make your own opinions here, but there are a few things worth pointing out as you do:
One, “God hates divorce” sounds pretty different than “If a man hates his wife,” right? Newer translations claim the latter is the more accurate translation.
Two, it sounds like maybe God’s most upset about is someone “overwhelming their wife with cruelty,” “doing violence to the one he should protect,” and that God is especially upset when that person “conceals their violence by outward appearances.”
Let’s get clear…what is considered violence?
The pretty conventional, Webster’s definition of violence is: “the use of physical force to injure, abuse, damage, or destroy.” But given that, at least in some ways, emotional pain is worse than physical pain...it seems like that definition is too limited.
The World Health Organization defines violence as “the intentional use of physical force or power, threatened or actual, against oneself, another person, or against a group or community, which either results in or has a high likelihood of resulting in injury, death, psychological harm, maldevelopment, or deprivation.”
The nonviolence movement takes it a step further. They’d say violence is basically exerting power over another, resulting in an outcome that is worse for the other. When a person seeks a win-lose outcome rather than a win-win, when one person has more ability to work—or avoid work, in some cases, when someone tries to impose their will on another...these can all be acts of violence when they are not respecting the other’s boundaries, and the outcome is worse for the other.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline,
Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.
I’m not sure why they show their diagram this way, but this is their attempt to show the many possible facets of domestic violence.
They also share helpful information on what to do if you’re not in a safe place.
Another helpful visual is one made by their sister org, loveisrespect.org. I find it helpful to see the breakdown on when a relationship is healthy vs. unhealthy vs. abusive.
Ok, back to the verse… Looking at “God hates divorce” and finishing the rest of the verse gives us one degree of context. Now let’s zoom out further and look at the rest of the passage:
6 My covenant with Levi was to give life and peace. I kept my covenant with him, and he honored me. He stood in reverent awe before me. He taught the truth and did not lie. He walked with me in peace and uprightness. He kept many out of the ditch, kept them on the road.
7-9 “It’s the job of priests to teach the truth. People are supposed to look to them for guidance. The priest is the messenger of God-of-the-Angel-Armies. But you priests have abandoned the way of priests. Your teaching has messed up many lives. You have corrupted the covenant of priest Levi. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says so. And so I am showing you up for who you are. Everyone will be disgusted with you and avoid you because you don’t live the way I told you to live, and you don’t teach my revelation truly and impartially.”
10 Don’t we all come from one Father? Aren’t we all created by the same God? So why can’t we get along? Why do we desecrate the covenant of our ancestors that binds us together?
11-12 Judah has cheated on God—a sickening violation of trust in Israel and Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the holiness of God by falling in love and running off with foreign women, women who worship alien gods. God’s curse on those who do this! Drive them out of house and home! They’re no longer fit to be part of the community, no matter how many offerings they bring to God-of-the-Angel-Armies.
13-15 And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse.
16 “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat.
17 You make God tired with all your talk.
“How do we tire him out?” you ask.
By saying, “God loves sinners and sin alike. God loves all.” And also by saying, “Judgment? God’s too nice to judge.” (The Message)
That’s long, I know, but what stands out to you?
Again, there’s a lot there, and I want to let you form your own opinions, but here are a few things I want to add that we can learn when we zoom out even further.
Historical Context
What was the broader context of divorce in the time and culture when this statement was made? And, if God said, “I hate divorce,” it seems important to ask why God hates divorce.
I.
It’s not talked about a lot, but...
Throughout the Bible, there were legal divorces enacted by people we usually hold in high regard...including God himself. It seems Moses divorced his first wife, Zipporah (Exod. 18:2-3). Abraham divorced Hagar, with God’s instigation and full approval (Gen. 21:14 cf. Gen. 16:3). God divorced Israel because of her infidelity (Jer. 3:8). The Jews divorced their pagan wives (Ezra 10:2-3 NLT). And Joseph was planning on divorcing Mary by breaking their legally binding betrothal (Matt. 1:19). (source)
II.
In Exodus 21:10-11, there is the legal provision for divorce on account of neglect.
“Exodus says that everyone, even a slave wife, had three rights within marriage—the rights to food, clothing, and marital rights/love. If these were neglected, the wronged spouse had the right to seek freedom from that marriage. Even women could, and did, get divorces for neglect—though the man still had to write out the divorce certificate. Rabbis said he had to do it voluntarily, so if he resisted, the courts had him beaten till he volunteered!” (source)
III.
In this particular passage we’ve been looking at in Malachi, where God did (or did not) say, “I hate divorce,” the word for divorce is שַׁלַּ֗ח (shal·lach) which is sometimes translated as “putting or sending away.” This describes a specific kind of divorce where the man does not sign any papers. This kind of “divorce” was hugely problematic because it was basically sending her out on the street with not only no way to provide for herself but it also makes it illegal for the woman to remarry (and have someone provide for her). If she is not officially divorced from her first marriage, she would be committing adultery if she were to remarry—requiring her to be stoned to death (John 8:5). Wow. Talk about “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”
If that were the case, is it any wonder that God would say he hates that?
Again, perhaps more than hating divorce, God hates the unjust treatment of those he loves.
IV.
Deuteronomy 24 is the first time we see rules about divorce outlined. Biblical scholars point out that in the context of history, the laws about divorce established there were a radical breakthrough in protecting women's rights because it was an early step in limiting a man’s absolute power over a woman. During those times, women were treated as property and could be kicked out at their husbands’ whim with no way to provide for themselves or remarry, as we said above.
While not many argue that divorce is no big deal, it’s possible it was meant to be as simple as initially laid out in Deuteronomy 24:1:
“If a man marries a woman, but she becomes displeasing to him because he finds some indecency in her, he may write her a certificate of divorce, hand it to her, and send her away from his house.”
If we can look past the male-centeredness and generally off-putting sound of the first half of the sentence there (not the easiest, I know), what if the spirit of this law was meant to be about liberation through open communication and proper channels to make sure everyone was going to be ok moving forward?
God hates…
Lastly, let’s not forget the other things the Bible clearly says God hates:
There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers. (Proverbs 6:16-19, ESV)
For some, unfortunately, this list describes their spouse pretty well. Are we to say God hates divorce more than this?
So…how is all this landing with you?
How are you feeling?
What’s coming up for you?
I really don’t have any answers for you here. Just want you see “God hates divorce” as more than a simple-soundbite argument ender. …And for us to get clear on what constitutes violence and abuse.
Let this all settle as long as it needs to.
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