The Conservative Position
Alright, we’ll do a brief rundown here because I’m betting you’re already pretty familiar with this part.
Here’s the number one verse you’ll probably hear:
“'For I hate divorce!' says the Lord, the God of Israel." Malachi 2:16
And most conservative Christians consider the following to be “Biblical grounds for divorce”:
Explicit allowances for divorce:
Sexual immorality
Text cited:
“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9 NIV
Dr. Andreas Köstenberger, Senior Research Professor of New Testament and Biblical Theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, explains,
“In such a case, however, divorce is not mandated or even encouraged—forgiveness and reconciliation should be extended and pursued if at all possible. But divorce is allowed, especially in cases where the sinning spouse persists in an adulterous relationship.”
An unbelieving spouse abandons the marriage
Again it is considered best to stay in the marriage...
“But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” 1 Corinthians 7:15
“Implied” allowances for divorce: Abuse
Many conservative Christians today make room for divorce if a spouse is abusive, though some do not. For those who do, it’s super unclear what is considered abuse and what isn’t. And in this case, many conservative Christians would say the survivor of the abuse cannot remarry without committing adultery (and therefore cannot remarry). Folks cite an array of verses to justify this exception.
Köstenberger says,
“The Bible displays a pervasive concern for justice and is concerned with protecting the vulnerable, it also teaches that believers can glorify God by bearing up under unjust suffering. This calls for wisdom and balance: Certainly, we should do everything we can to protect victims of abuse while at the same time respecting the marriage bond and not dissolving it lightly.”
A popular contemporary motto:
“The purpose of marriage is to make you holy, not happy.” — Rick Warren & Gary Thomas
Let's pause a second.
This is a good time to check in with yourself. Reading this last section, what feelings are coming up for you?
What’s happening in your body? Notice these feelings; try to name them. Do you find yourself agreeing? Protesting? Some of both?
This is a great time to practice sitting on the riverbank and asking what messages your feelings are trying to send you.
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